Sometimes saving a marriage means knowing what not to do. Blaming, shaming, and a rigid need to be right are three extremely destructive approaches to marital conflict. Blame attempts to convince someone else of their fault, perpetuating an attack and defend cycle, killing a couple’s sense of security. Shame actually attacks the person not the issue. Intimacy is effectively eroded by negative exaggeration and contempt. Finally, the need to be right rather than relational, or emotionally connected, is particularly damaging to a marriage, undermining needs to be heard and understood with elements of control and disrespect. Avoid these tactics and learn to resolve marital issues without resentment.

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