3 ways to release Grief

Good morning. This is Tara Galeano.Thanks so much for joining me here today. I’m a sexual empowerment coach and trained as a sex therapist. I help women listen, know and love their bodies so they can experience so much more pleasure and intimacy in their lives. If you like this video, please follow me on this Facebook page or you can follow me on YouTube at the Rediscovering My Body Channel. I’ve been promoting my Masterclass for the past few weeks. If you’re interested, there is still some space available and the registration closes tomorrow. 

What I found is that we’re on our way, but there’s still a little bit more time because women are wanting to know more about the rediscovery of their bodies at this time. There’s an urgency, particularly with the overturning of Roe versus Wade. I’ll say more about that in a moment. 

I’ve been providing valuable content for a number of years. In the promotion of this Master class that began this week, I’ve been on social media regularly. So what I decided was that I want to show up weekly at a consistent, regular time. This will be my time, 10:00 a.m.Pacific time on Thursdays. I used to do ten at ten on Thursdays when I was in Boulder, Colorado. Now I’m offering it here in California at 10:00 a.m. on a weekly basis. What I find is that when I’m offering consistent content to you, there’s more engagement, and also that your questions get answered in a more timely manner. I want to offer this form to you to begin to speak about things that are pertinent and timely for you and your life. Thank you so much for showing up and following me here. 

Today I want to speak about three ways that you can release grief in your life, so that you can have more intimacy. What I find is that grief blocks and inhibits our intimate lives. Grief needs to be expressed. We’re not meant to hold on to it, and it is a process of unfolding. I’ll say more about that as we get into this topic. What I recognized recently is that there’s a lot of grief and that women have been speaking to me in my personal life and my professional life as a therapist and as a sexual empowerment coach.

They’ve been speaking to me about grief and how they weren’t even aware of it. But when things happen on a global level, on an international level, and on a domestic level, like the overturning of Roe versus Wade, it begins to impact us. I would say there’s more fear and also there’s more sadness about a path that was not chosen. 

Let me just ask you, are you feeling more grief these days? Notice that. Yeah. First I want to begin with a story. This is a personal story that my partner and I have a sacred sexuality practice that I connect with my partner in a loving and intimate way that is both sexual and pleasurable, but it’s different from our lovemaking and our playtime together. For me, the intent in these sessions is to explore more deeply the edges of where I live and also where I don’t live. What calls me there, I don’t always know, but I really am trying to listen to those edges. Then I make a request to my partner to see if you can meet me there and be my medicine man.

This is a special dynamic that we have in our relationship, which I treasure. We had a session last weekend and when we began, we set our intentions. My intention was, ironically, for more pleasure, and his was to serve. As I went deeper into myself and I tapped into what was true for me, what I found was that there actually was profound grief within me, and I was surprised.

On one level, I had known it was there, and that’s why I wanted the session. On another level, I had no idea that it existed because I didn’t have access to it until that moment with my beloved. Sometimes we actually need a healer to hold the space for us so we can come more deeply into ourselves because we need to know that the parameters are secure and that we are going to be held in a loving, gentle way. We need to feel safe and secure to dive deeper into those mysteries of who we are and also the grief, the pain, and the discomfort that sometimes is there within us as well. 

As I reached into the grief, I recognized that I’d been carrying this grief about a path that I actually had not chosen. If I had not chosen that path, I may not have given birth to my son, who is my second child, whom I adore. It was a big life recognition for me of a path not taken and feeling into the grief that was there, that I never really considered that deeply. Can you relate to that? Yeah. We carry grief. 

The first piece that I want to speak about today is that grief is located in the body. The first key to releasing grief is that it is located in the body. In Chinese medicine, they say the lungs are the area that holds sadness. Smoking can be an attempt to release that sadness. In general, unexpressed emotions live in the body. Notice where that might live for you. It’s not always the same, but to notice. Is it in your lungs? For me, it was and it wasn’t. It went much deeper into my being and it was a full-body experience of release that needed to happen. Grief lives in the body. 

The second key to releasing grief is to identify where in the body it lives for you. Begin to sense with your felt sense (interception), which is a felt sense of awareness, feeling into those sensations of what’s true for you. Even though Chinese medicine says it’s in the lungs, that may not be the case for you. You are the expert on yourself and you get to decide where that is true for you and your body. Come into the sensations. Experience your senses and know. Even though I’m saying it and it sounds easy, sometimes we don’t know. We imagine we know, but we don’t know. That’s okay.

The founder of Naropa University, where I was educated, Chogyam Trungpa, said “First thought, best thought.” So engage that first thought. Indecision causes fatigue, right? When you’re indecisive about something, it’s just going to stress you out and cause fatigue. It’s not going to allow you to move forward. Just making the decision of where that grief actually resides in your body, maybe you feel like it’s in your thumb and that’s okay. Bringing and identifying your attention there. Naming that’s where the grief lives. If it changes or you would like to change that place in your body at a different time, that’s okay. But begin with what’s calling you. First thought, best thought. Great. 

Number three is to place your hand on that area for reference. Right? And now breathing into that spot simply because not only is it breath, but it is awareness. First thing is that grief lives in the body. The second key is to identify where it is in your body. The third key is to bring your awareness there by touching it with your hand, bringing your attention to yourself, by breathing into that space in your body. Will that eradicate the grief? Maybe or maybe not. But what it does is it brings your attention there. So whatever needs to happen to move or shift, the grief is going to emerge. Because without your conscious attention there, it won’t happen.

Again the three keys are: Know that it lives in your body, identify where it lives in your body, and bring your awareness there through breath. If you are looking for more ways to express the grief that you may be feeling in your life, breath is an exceptional way, but it is not the exclusive way. There are so many opportunities, so many tools for our toolbox that we can engage if we know how and if we know what they are. If you like today’s live video and you want more tools for your toolbox, I’ve got you. I’m happy to share more. As I said earlier, these Facebook lives are happening weekly. They’ll be on Thursdays at 10:00 am. Pacific daylight time. 

Please drop me a comment. I’d love to hear from you. Your engagement really matters to me. I invite you to check out my body Wisdom journal, which is on my website, rediscoveringmybody.com. In the journal there are more prompts for you to tap into the wisdom of you and begin to create multiple reference points that will be invaluable for you, kind of a compendium of information about you as you are the expert on you. The link is here and I will put that in the notes. Thanks so much for joining me today.

Next week, I know I’m being called to talk about perfection, which I’ve been avoiding for a while, but again, it keeps on coming up in the women that I’m working with. I’ve certainly struggled with that for a long time, so I want to speak about perfection and intimacy. Drop your comments below. I look forward to hearing from you.